Wolfman and the Window Shoppers
In a city there were people. Specifically, there were three of them named Peter,
Carlito and Mark. These three were window-shoppers who worshiped stores. They just
loved malls, thrift shops, mom & pop stores and 99¢ stores. They window shopped all
of the lovely time and did not give a hoot about neighborhood or time of day or climate
or crime rate, they simply window-shopped and shopped and shopped and shopped
and shopped their time away. Peter, Carlito and Mark were perfectly content with
window-shopping until a mighty bully started to make fun of their clothes, and the fact
that they never ever buy anything. This made the three guys actually want to buy items,
so they took a trip to a store they could afford to shop at the other side of town. Now
this was truly a magical store because Mark found ten pairs of lovely socks for five
cents, and inside of these socks were expensive, hard to find batteries. Peter found a
fancy coat for one dollar and fifteen cents. Carlito found a television for seven dollars,
and that television was a brand new flat-screen television thick as ten credit cards. They
also found diamond rings and gold chains. It was a great moment for the guys, but time
passed quickly, and day turned to night so it was time for the staff to stop selling and
close the store. Despite their excitement from finding great items for so cheep, the three
men grew quite frightened because they looked out of the store window and discovered
that they were in the wrong part of town with no quick way out. Peter Carlito and Mark
stared out of the window at the horrible neighborhood. In the neighborhood, there were
packs of wild dogs, wild people and wild cats. There were old storefronts covered with
plywood. There were trashcans holding flaming trash. There were people who looked
overworked and tired and there were people who looked like they had no jobs. There
were also people looking like hyper zombies walking on a catwalk. The rest of the
people they saw were mainly maniacs, mobsters, monsters, murderers and mean
people. “The shop is closing. Please get out of the shop!” said the owner. “O-O-O-O-
Okay-kay, we will get out of the shop right now” said Carlito. These three guys hit the
street. They opened the door, left the store, and hit the street.
THEY STOOD ON THE SIDEWALK. The stood on the sidewalk and noticed it was
weak. There were cracks in the sidewalk, crumbles on the curb and no markings on the
crosswalk. Crammed in between some of the cracks, were some crushed rats. In
between many of the cracks was blood. There also was a brain lying on the sidewalk.
All of the sudden an old garbage truck that was converted into an RV drove by. All of
the sudden somebody let out and awful scream. And also, all of the sudden there was a
small explosion from the flaming trashcan. “Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!” said Peter. Now they
gave a hoot about the neighborhood, time of day and crime rate. They really wanted to
go home right away now. Just then Mark noticed a gang of goons approaching them
from the north. Soon after they noticed a gang of goons approaching them from the
south, and from the east and from the west. These goons slowly spread, so they were
walking towards them from the southeast, southwest, northeast and northwest too.
They were surrounded by goons! Then, from the south-north, -east-west, right below
where Peter, Mark and Carlito were standing, they felt the sidewalk swell… the felt it
swell, slowly up and down like a belly breathing up and down… like the belly of a woman
in the bed when you’re done.
Then, BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BA-LANG-A-LANG-A-LANG-O! WOLFMAN
POPPED OUT FROM BENIETH THE STREETS; and he was prepared to bust heads with
fists, kicks, head-buts, scratches and slaps. One goon said “W-w-Wolfman! Run for
your lives!” And just then, his pants became a porta-potty. The reason why the goon
freaked out that was this: Wolfman was invincible against knives, saws, fists,
screwdrivers, syringes and shanks. He was invincible against razors, revolvers, lasers,
Uzis and Ruger pistols. The only thing that could hurt him was a special silver bullet
shot from a large old gun; but Wolfman was no fool. He wore a vest, and the vest on his
chest is silver bulletproof protection. Every gang left as fast as they could, but one gang
stayed. The majority of the people in this gang heard voices in their heads that told
them to “be strong and do murder”. “Prove yourself, Wolfman!” said the leader.
Wolfman did just that. With only one slap, Wolfman followed through and hit all 8
members of the gang in their faces {1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8!}. They were all knocked out.
Now, Peter, Carlito and Mark were really freaked out. “Don’t hurt us!” they said.
“No” said Wolfman. “No way, I’ll take you home, let’s chat” So, he walked them four
miles to their home. The guys got his phone number, his mailing address and his email
address. Three days later they hung out over dinner. The guys really wanted to impress
Wolfman, so they talked about how they were two steps ahead of every single trend.
Wolfman really wanted to impress the guys so he told them how popular he was. He
described a few of the many friends he had, and then he started namedropping. He
started namedropping Dracula. He said, “I know Dracula” He would tell stories about
how he went on vacation with Dracula. After a bit they got comfortable with themselves
and they told each other what their wildest dreams were. Peter, Carlito and Mark wanted
to start their own clothing line. Wolfman told the guys that he wanted to become a movie
star. He said that he was worried that he would not make it because he was so furry.
After dinner, they took Wolfman to the salon and got him a body wax. The woman put
the wax everywhere but his head. “F-FF” went the wax.
“WAAAAHHHHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” howled Wolfman! Soon after, he was off to
Hollywood. Before long he got parts. He played an action hero, a romantic banker and
a Shakespearian buffoon. Needless to say, he made money. From that point on,
Wolfman wore three-piece suits, shined shoes, pressed shirts, professional spectacles,
a tasteful hat, and flawless socks. Wolfman sent some money back to the guys and they
started their clothing line. They went back to the bad area and built the clothing factory
there. The factory gave everyone jobs. Everyone was paid well with benefits and paid
vacation. Peter, Carlito and Mark found that brain that was lying in the street. They took
it home and put it in a jar and nursed it back to health. It turned out to be a smart brain,
and then it became the Mayor. Then Wolfman came back to the Bad Area and the four of
them started a positive youth group.
-THE END-